American author (1842-1914)
Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Industrial Discontent", The Shadow on the Dial and Other Essays
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"
AMBROSE BIERCE
Couplet
Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary