SCOTT ADAMS QUOTES

American cartoonist (1957- )

When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.

SCOTT ADAMS, Dogbert

8 likes

Tags: virtual reality, dating


I believe everybody in the world should have guns. I also believe that only I should have ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you goobers with anything more dangerous than a string.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

5 likes

Tags: guns


I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.

SCOTT ADAMS, Dilbert 2.0: 20 Years of Dilbert

5 likes

Tags: work


I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over two hundred years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

4 likes

Tags: politics


As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

4 likes

Tags: misfortune


Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.

SCOTT ADAMS, Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland

4 likes

Tags: work


You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

3 likes

Tags: vegetarianism


Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

SCOTT ADAMS, attributed, Dictionary of Quotations

3 likes

Tags: forgiveness, revenge


For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

3 likes

Tags: optimism, attitude


Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

3 likes

Tags: fishing


Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

SCOTT ADAMS, The Dilbert Principle

2 likes

Tags: creativity, art


Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

SCOTT ADAMS, The Dilbert Principle

2 likes

Tags: dating, religion


When did ignorance become a point of view?

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: ignorance


Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: life


They say that God is watching everyone all the time, so he'd always get to see his jokes play out. If so, he's laughing his butt off, assuming God has a butt, which is unlikely, since butts are also an obvious practical joke.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: God


The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes big round numbers.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: universe, God


Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.

SCOTT ADAMS, God's Debris: A Thought Experiment

2 likes

Tags: possibility


The government runs the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: government, women


Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan.

SCOTT ADAMS, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!

2 likes

Tags: stem cells


As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.

SCOTT ADAMS, Thriving on Vague Objectives

1 likes

Tags: writing