WOODY ALLEN QUOTES
American actor, director & screenwriter (1935- )
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
attributed, Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
Without Feathers
Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
WOODY ALLEN
Hollywood Ending
I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
WOODY ALLEN
"Woody Allen on Faith, Fortune Tellers and New York", New York Times, Sep. 14, 2010
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
WOODY ALLEN
What's New, Pussycat?
Over the years you get to see what a struggle life is for most people, how tough it is, how easy it is to be judgmental and criticise and stand outside of situations and impart your wisdom and judgment. But over the decades I've got more tolerant of people's flaws and mistakes. Everybody makes a lot of them. When you're younger you feel: "Hey, this person is evil" or "This person is a jerk" or stupid or "What's wrong with them?" Then you go through life and you think: "Well, it's not so easy." There's a lot of mystery and suffering and complication. Everybody's out there trying to do the best they can. And it's not such an easy business.
WOODY ALLEN
The Guardian, Sep. 26, 2013
I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
Getting Even
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Death: A Comedy in One Act
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
WOODY ALLEN
attributed, The Seven Deadly Sins: A Companion
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
attributed, On Being Funny
To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
WOODY ALLEN
"Woody Allen on Faith, Fortune Tellers and New York", New York Times, Sep. 14, 2010
A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
WOODY ALLEN
Annie Hall
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
WOODY ALLEN
Standup Comic
Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
WOODY ALLEN
My Philosophy
My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
Sleeper
I've never felt Truth was Beauty. Never. I've always felt that people can't take too much reality. I like being in Ingmar Bergman's world. Or in Louis Armstrong's world. Or in the world of the New York Knicks. Because it's not this world. You spend your whole life searching for a way out. You just get an overdose of reality, you know, and it's a terrible thing. I'm always fighting against reality.
WOODY ALLEN
attributed, Show and Tell: New Yorker Profiles
People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
WOODY ALLEN
interview, The Paris Review, fall 1995
All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
WOODY ALLEN
Deconstructing Harry
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
Manhattan Murder Mystery