RICHARD ARMOUR QUOTES

American poet & author (1906-1989)

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

RICHARD ARMOUR, attributed, Common Ground: How to Stop the Partisan War

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Tags: politics


That money talks
I'll not deny
I heard it once:
It said, 'Goodbye'.

RICHARD ARMOUR, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Zingers

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Tags: money


Book burning is a charming old custom, hallowed by antiquity. It has been practiced for centuries by fascists, communists, atheists, school children, rival authors, and tired librarians. Like everything of importance since the invention of the cloak and the shroud, its origins are cloaked in mystery and shrouded in secrecy. Some scholars believe that the first instance of book burning occurred in the Middle Ages, when a monk was trying to illuminate a manuscript. All agree that book burning was almost non-existent during the period when books were made of stone.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "How to Burn a Book", A Safari into Satire

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Tags: books


There is no balm of Gilead,
No salve, no soothing ointment
To stay the pain of one who's had
In love a disappointment--
Unless it be that healing lotion
Of fixing on a new devotion.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Pastures New"

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Tags: love


Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

RICHARD ARMOUR, attributed, 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said

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Tags: women


Here is where people,
One frequently finds,
Lower their voices
And raise their minds.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Public Library", A Safari into Satire

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The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

RICHARD ARMOUR, It All Started with Columbus

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How I love to get a letter!
I can think of nothing better
Than perusing an epistolary item.
But deep is my despondence,
For I've found that correspondence
Means that if you want to get 'em,
You must write 'em!

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Lament on a Lack of Letters"

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Although practice swings
Can be helpful things,
Twere better, indeed, not take any
Than to fiddle and fret
And before playing get
Exhausted from taking too many.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Preliminaries"

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If you convinced me
And I convinced you,
Would there not still be
Two points of view?

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Argument"

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Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing.
It's always pleasant when you spot it.
There's only one unhappy thing;
You have to lose to prove you've got it.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Good Sportsmanship"

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Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

RICHARD ARMOUR, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes

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Tags: beauty


The bride, white of hair, is stooped over her cane
Her faltering footsteps need guiding.
While down the church aisle, with wan toothless smile,
The groom in a wheelchair comes riding.
And who is this elderly couple you ask?
You'll find, when you've closely explored it,
That here is that rare, most conservative pair,
Who waited 'til they could afford it.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Too Have And Too Old"

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Tags: weddings


I miss my mattress when I am gone;
It's one thing I've made an impression on.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "My Mattress And I"

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My day-old son is plenty scrawny,
his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny;
His ears seem larger than he's needing,
His nose is flat, his chin's receding.
His skin is very, very red,
He has no hair upon his head,
And yet I'm proud as proud can be,
To hear you say he looks like me.

RICHARD ARMOUR, "Parental Pride"

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Tags: children