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quotations about doctors

The physician heals himself.

Tidy fees are the most effective remedy, both for the doctor and the patient.

DARIO FO, Accidental Death of an Anarchist

Physician, heal thyself.

BIBLE, Luke 4:23

Surgeons must be very careful
When they take the knife!
Underneath their fine incisions
Stirs the culprit--life!

EMILY DICKINSON, Surgeons must be very careful

For each illness that doctors cure with medicine, they provoke ten in healthy people by inoculating them with the virus that is a thousand times more powerful than any microbe: the idea that one is ill.

MARCEL PROUST, "The Guermantes Way," Remembrance of Things Past

A great doctor kills more people than a great general.

G.W. LEIBNIZ, as quoted in Margaret Miner's The New International Dictionary of Quotations

God heals and the doctor takes the fees.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1736

Men who are occupied in the restoration of health to other men, by the joint exertion of skill and humanity, are above all the great of the earth. They even partake of divinity, since to preserve and renew is almost as noble as to create.

VOLTAIRE, "Physicians," Philosophical Dictionary

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.

JONATHAN SWIFT, Polite Conversation

It's kinda scary when a doctor asks your price range!

TOM WILSON, Ziggy, Mar. 26, 1998

Doctors are the same as lawyers, the sole difference being that lawyers only rob you, but doctors rob you and kill you too.


An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does not having health insurance.

JOE HICKMAN, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Zingers

The most exquisite pleasure in the practice of medicine comes from nudging a layman in the direction of terror, then bringing him back to safety again.

KURT VONNEGUT, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

WALTER MATTHAU, Forbes Magazine, 1999

An ignorant doctor is the aide-de-camp of death.

AVICENNA, attributed, Day's Collacon

Each patient carries his own doctor inside him.

NORMAN COUSINS, Anatomy of an Illness

Doctors? Those Muggle nutters that cut people up?

J. K. ROWLING, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

My doctor is wonderful. Once when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

JOEY BISHOP, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Zingers

Where there's a doctor it's always a bad sign. Even when they are not doing the killing themselves it means a death is close, and in that way they are like ravens or crows.


Doctors don't seem to realize that most of us are perfectly content not having to visualize ourselves as animated bags of skin filled with obscene glop.

JOE HALDEMAN, The Forever War

I don't believe the kindliest of men ever learned about the death of his doctor without a feeling of smugness.

RICHARD GORDON, Bedside Manners

It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.

H. W. SHAW, attributed, Day's Collacon

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country.

GEORGE W. BUSH, speech in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, Sep. 6, 2004

I think you might dispense with half your doctors, if you would only consult Doctor Sun more, and be more under the treatment of those great hydropathic doctors, the clouds!


Doctors always think anybody doing something they aren't is a quack.

FLANNERY O'CONNOR, The Habit of Being

The doctor is not unfrequently death's pilot-fish.


Disease increases in proportion to the increase in the number of doctors in a place.

MAHATMA GANDHI, The Wit and Wisdom of Gandhi

The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.

EVAN ESAR, 20,000 Quips & Quotes

A wealthy doctor who can help a poor man, and will not without a fee, has less sense of humanity than a poor ruffian, who kills a rich man to supply his necessities.

JOSEPH ADDISON, The Tatler, Oct. 8, 1709

Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

VOLTAIRE, attributed, The Complete Toastmaster: A New Treasury for Speakers

Medicines cure diseases, but only doctors can cure patients.

CARL JUNG, attributed, 20,000 Quips & Quotes

Medicine would be the ideal profession if it did not involve giving pain.


Doctors are great--as long as you don't need them.

EDWARD E. ROSENBAUM, A Taste of My Own Medicine: When the Doctor Is the Patient

You need a good bedside manner with doctors or you will get nowhere.


Any physician who advertises a positive cure for any disease, who issues nostrum testimonials, who sells his services to a secret remedy, or who diagnoses and treats by mail patients he has never seen, is a quack.

SAMUEL HOPKINS ADAMS, "The Sure-Cure School" Collier's Weekly, Jul. 14, 1906

You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.

EVAN ESAR, 20,000 Quips & Quotes

A doctor is a man who writes prescriptions, till the patient either dies or is cured by nature.

JOHN TAYLOR, attributed, Day's Collacon

The doctor's in
The nurse is hot
Swab some cotton
Cause you're getting a shot

NICHOLSON BAKER, Traveling Sprinkler

It is the fee that draws the doctor.



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