I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W.C. FIELDS, The Saturday Review, Jan. 28, 1967
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W.C. FIELDS, The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips & One-Liners
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS, attributed, Chicken Soup for the Wine Lover's Soul
I never vote for anybody. I always vote against.
W. C. FIELDS, attributed, Little Oxford Dictionary of Quotations
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. FIELDS, attributed, 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband; show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.