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HALLOWEEN QUOTES

quotations about Halloween

Halloween quote

According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.

JAY LENO, Tonight Show, Oct. 27, 2011

Trick-or-treaters came to the White House for about an hour on Saturday. Conservatives are already accusing the president of seriously depleting our country's Tootsie Roll reserve.

JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Oct. 31, 2011

A lot of kids across the country got the day off from school because of Halloween. I’m pretty sure this is why we're falling behind China. Not only did their kids not get the day off from school, they made all of our kids' costumes.

JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Nov. 1, 2011

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

DAVID LETTERMAN, Late Show with David Letterman, Oct. 31, 2011

I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest.

JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Oct. 27, 2011

Halloween is tomorrow. A group of wine experts has actually come up with a list of the best wines to pair with Halloween candy. They say, "White wine goes great with Skittles, red wine goes great with Twix, and ... we're alcoholics, aren't we?"

JIMMY FALLON, The Tonight Show, Oct. 30, 2014

This Halloween, if you see a blue pumpkin, that means the house is handing out allergy-free treats. That's true. Of course, if you see a blue pumpkin, it could also mean the house is using last year's pumpkin.

CONAN O'BRIEN, Conan, Oct. 30, 2014

I like Halloween. It gives you a chance to dress up like something you're not, you know? Like when the Miami Dolphins put on football uniforms.

DAVID LETTERMAN, Late Show with David Letterman, Nov. 1, 2011

I wonder if Halloween is the one day of the year Lady Gaga wears sensible slacks.

JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Oct. 31, 2011

Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple.

JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 29, 2010

Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need -- another excuse to be jerks.

CRAIG FERGUSON, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Oct. 30, 2013

No one came to my house to trick-or-treat. I think the moat might be scaring people away.

JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Nov. 1, 2010

My favorite Halloween candy is the candy corn. It comes in four colors: white, yellow, orange, brown. Those are also the stages of your teeth rotting after you eat it.

JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, Oct. 31, 2012

Did everybody have a good Halloween? I'm just not into the Halloween spirit. What I did was I went to bed early after I turned on the electric fence.

DAVID LETTERMAN, The Late Show with David Letterman, Nov. 1, 2013

Halloween's coming. Kids get very imaginative in my neighborhood. Last year, three kids showed up as Goldman Sachs executives and demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy.

JAY LENO, The Tonight Show, October 16, 2009

One year when I was pretty young, maybe seven or eight, I insisted on going [trick-or-treating] as Humpty Dumpty, which was this very elaborate, really unwieldy costume that I designed.... Thousands of pillows. And my father, he was an upholsterer, he made the cover for this, which covered like ... I was a sofa. I was a small sofa. Except without nails or tacks. I remember that Halloween the most because it was the worst. Even as a child, I remember the worst things, as opposed to the best things. Every single house I went to, out of a thousand houses, the mother of the house had to completely reconstruct my ... restuff me. All the pillows were falling out, it was raining, and because I was a very -- I don't know how to put this -- kind of a dictator as a child, it meant that every time I stopped in the street to restuff myself, one thousand children that were following me also had to stop, even though they were wearing much more sensible costumes. That is my most memorable Halloween memory. That was the last time I was a fashion victim.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Index Magazine, 1997


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