FRAN LEBOWITZ QUOTES

American author (1950- )

Fran Lebowitz quote

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, Metropolitan Life

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Tags: beauty


Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, Metropolitan Life

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I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Paris Review, summer 1993

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Tags: age


My other hobby, because I just love any job with a gavel, is auctioneer. And I so often have presided over charity auctions in New York that many years ago Sotheby's sent me my own gavel. Now, the Sotheby's gavel is infinitely more elegant--it came in a little velvet bag, with "Sotheby's" inscribed in gold. It hangs in my library. I feel that everyone has occasion to use a gavel at various times everyday, they just don't think of it.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Ruminator Magazine, August/September 2005

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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, Social Studies

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Tags: teenagers


There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn don't go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isn't. We all know that it's some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And that's why advice doesn't work.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Index Magazine, 1997

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Tags: advice


The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, attributed, The Art of Talking to Anyone

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[Children are] like talking animals. Their consciousness is so different from ours that they constitute a different species. They don't have to be particularly interesting children; just the fact that they are children is sufficient. They don't know what anything is, so they have to make it up. No matter how dull they are, they still have to figure things out for themselves.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Paris Review, summer 1993

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Tags: children


Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, Metropolitan Life

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Tags: artists


Think before you speak. Read before you think.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

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Tags: thinking


Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, attributed, Food and Drink: A Book of Quotations

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London -- a place you go to get bronchitis.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, attributed, Dick Enberg's Humorous Quotes for All Occasions

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Tags: London


Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, attributed, 1001 Greatest Things Ever Said about California

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Tags: Los Angeles


When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree. When my mother explained it, I kept after her: What are you saying? What do you mean? I couldn't believe it. It was astonishing. It was like--here's the man who makes all the trees. Then I wanted to be a writer, because, I suppose, it seemed the closest thing to being God.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, The Paris Review, summer 1993

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Tags: books


If people had gavels, there would be no wars. If every person in the world had a gavel and could bang it and get everyone's attention right away and make their displeasure known, I believe the level of actual violence in the world would just disappear to practically nothing.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Ruminator Magazine, August/September 2005

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Tags: war


There's nothing like being old to be sure of everything.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Index Magazine, 1997

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Tags: old age


I wouldn't say that I dislike the young. I'm simply not a fan of naïveté.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Paris Review, summer 1993

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Tags: youth


That which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

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Tags: civilization


The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be told blatant lies -- easily checkable, blatant lies -- and I'm not talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September 11, 2001 with 19 men -- 15 of them are Saudis -- and five minutes later the whole country thinks they're from Iraq -- how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable fact. The whole country is like the O. J. Simpson jurors.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, interview, Ruminator Magazine, August/September 2005

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Tags: ignorance


I'm such a slow writer I have no need for anything as fast as a word processor. I don't need anything so snappy. I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself.

FRAN LEBOWITZ, The Paris Review, summer 1993

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Tags: writing