Notable Quotes
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Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

JERRY SEINFELD, stand-up routine

I hate the waiting room. Because it's called the waiting room, there's no chance of not waiting. It's built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they've got this room all set up?

JERRY SEINFELD, attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

JERRY SEINFELD, attributed, Tabloid Valley: Supermarket News and American Culture

Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify, because the players are always changing, the team can move to another city. You're actually rooting for the clothes, when you get right down to it. You know what I mean? You are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city. Fans will be so in love with a player, but if he goes to another team, they boo him. This is the same human being in a different shirt; they hate him now. Boo! Different shirt! Boo!


Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the time, they want to graduate. My dog would sit there all day, he would watch me walk by, he would think to himself, "I could do that! He's not that good."

JERRY SEINFELD, stand-up routine


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