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JON STEWART QUOTES

President Bush announced that we were landing on Mars today... which means he's given up on Earth.

JON STEWART, The Daily Show

The Republicans appear to have a very clear plan for America. They articulated it throughout the convention. No. 1, jail your political opponent. No. 2, inject Rudy Giuliani with a speedball and a Red Bull enema. And then No. 3, spend the rest of the time scaring the holy bejesus out of everybody.

JON STEWART, The Late Show, July 21, 2016

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not being divisive; those fighting to keep those people out are.

JON STEWART, The Late Show, July 21, 2016

The internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

JON STEWART, interview, Wired, September 13, 2005

Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us.

JON STEWART,College of William & Mary Commencement Address, May 20, 2004


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