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STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

STEVEN WRIGHT, attributed, Quotable Quotes

The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine

I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.

STEVEN WRIGHT, attributed, Grin & Share It!: More Laugh Lines for Educators

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, 'Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, 'Extra medium.'

STEVEN WRIGHT, attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Business Quotations

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

STEVEN WRIGHT, stand-up routine


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