American pianist, actor, & comedian (1906-1972)
It proves that no man can be a success in two national pastimes.
OSCAR LEVANT
comment upon learning Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe were divorced, The Gigantic Book of Baseball Quotations
An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
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Coronet Magazine, September 1968
You know the only reason I'm appearing here is there's no more beds in the mental institution.
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The Jack Paar Tonight Show
It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts.
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ad-lib line, Humoresque
Tell me, Mrs. Wright, does your husband interfere with your marriage?
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Humoresque
Strip the phony tinsel off Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
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Inquisition in Eden
I remember when he was given the manuscript of a novel written by a woman friend who had hopes of having it published. To his astonishment it turned out to be the dirtiest, most pornographic book he had ever read. When the lady mentioned that she intended to use a nom de plume, Ira suggested she call herself Henrietta Miller.
OSCAR LEVANT
about Ira Gershwin, The Unimportance of Being Oscar