American comedian (1894-1956)
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Vaudeville could not vouch for the honesty, the integrity, or the mentality of the individuals who collectively made up the horde the medium embraced. All the human race demands of its members is that they be born. That is all vaudeville demanded. You just had to be born. You could be ignorant and be a star. You could be a moron and be wealthy. The elements that went to make up vaudeville were combed from the jungles, the four corners of the world, the intelligentsia and the subnormal.
FRED ALLEN
Much Ado About Me
A good comedian can say things funny and other guys just say funny things.
FRED ALLEN
The Sunday Press, August 9, 1959
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, New York Magazine, Mar. 21, 1994
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters