American talk show host (1947- )
There was a flight from Cleveland to New York City with just two people on board. There hasn't been two people on an airplane since the Wright brothers.
DAVID LETTERMAN
Late Show with David Letterman, January 14, 2015
There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix-up and he was greeted by seventy-two vegans.
DAVID LETTERMAN
attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations
The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.
DAVID LETTERMAN
attributed, The Biteback Dictionary of Humorous Political Quotations
Charles Manson was going to get married. He's 80 years old, and serving a life sentence in prison. Well, the marriage is off. And today I saw that his profile was back on eHarmony.
DAVID LETTERMAN
Late Show with David Letterman, February 3, 2015
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
DAVID LETTERMAN
The Late Show with David Letterman
Should I spend the extra twenty bucks for the sideburns?
DAVID LETTERMAN
"Top Ten Things to Consider Before Buying a Hairpiece", The Late Show
Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.
DAVID LETTERMAN
on the National Security Agency's eavesdropping program, The Late Show with David Letterman, January 25, 2006
Did you hear about the earthquake in California?... A 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful it knocked Arnold Schwarzenegger off his housekeeper.
DAVID LETTERMAN
Late Show with David Letterman, August 25, 2014
In London you can buy a hamburger for $1,700. Now, wait a minute, before you start bellyaching, yes, it comes with fries. It's $1,700. It's called the McSucker.
DAVID LETTERMAN
Late Show with David Letterman, October 10, 2014
Harrison Ford proposed to Calista Flockhart and then slipped the ring around her waist.
DAVID LETTERMAN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes
In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat.
DAVID LETTERMAN
Late Show with David Letterman, October 17, 2014