THE SIMPSONS QUOTES III

quotations from The Simpsons

Wow, this place is completely alien, but everything's in English, just like Canada!

HOMER

"The Man Who Came to Be Dinner", The Simpsons


Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

HOMER

"Bart Gets an Elephant", The Simpsons

Tags: sports


This plant violates every labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!

DEPARTMENT OF LABOR AGENT

"The Last Temptation of Homer", The Simpsons


Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: facts


It's in Hell, the Inferno, Perdition, Arizona without the golf.

HOMER

"Treehouse of Horror XXV", The Simpsons

Tags: Hell


I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: beer


Thank you, magical creatures of the mall! You have all taught me a Christmas message I'll never forget. The place to get drunk is at home.

HOMER

"I Won't Be Home for Christmas", The Simpsons


I don't want to be rude, but you losers should go suck somewhere else.

HOMER

"Halloween of Horror", The Simpsons

Tags: losing


America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: America


I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called ... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

HOMER

The Simpsons


And I'm not easily impressed -- WOW, A BLUE CAR!

HOMER

The Simpsons


Sorry mom, the mob has spoken.

BART

"Marge vs. the Monorail", The Simpsons

Tags: mobs


If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

HOMER

The Simpsons


You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle -- his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.

HOMER

"Saturdays of Thunder", The Simpsons


They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.

MR. BURNS

"My Fare Lady", The Simpsons


Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.

HOMER

"Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood", The Simpsons


I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt ... I can't compete with that stuff.

MOE

"Team Homer", The Simpsons

Tags: self-esteem


Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'

TROY MCCLURE

"Bart's Inner Child", The Simpsons


Oh, Marge, I can't stand it when you cry at dinner. The pork chops look traumatized, the mashed potatoes can't stand to watch, even the children seem upset.

HOMER

"Blazed and Confused", The Simpsons

Tags: tears


Marge, just about everything is a sin. [holds up a Bible] You ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

REVEREND LOVEJOY

"Secrets of a Successful Marriage", The Simpsons

Tags: Bible