AMBROSE BIERCE QUOTES II

American author (1842-1914)

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


PAINTING, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


Men are polygamous by nature and monogamous for opportunity. It is a faithful man who is willing to be watched by a half-dozen wives.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


These are the prerogatives of genius: To know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"

Tags: genius


Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary

Tags: politics


It is not for nothing that tigers choose to hide in the jungle, for commerce and trade are carried on, mostly, in the open.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


MONEY, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"

Tags: truth


LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


For study of the good and the bad in woman two women are a needless expense.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


When the young die and the old live, nature's machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.

AMBROSE BIERCE

"Epigrams of a Cynic"


Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary


Civilization does not, I think, make the race any better. It makes men know more: and if knowledge makes them happy it is useful and desirable. The one purpose of every sane human being is to be happy. No one can have any other motive than that. There is no such thing as unselfishness. We perform the most "generous" and "self-sacrificing" acts because we should be unhappy if we did not. We move on lines of least reluctance. Whatever tends to increase the beggarly sum of human happiness is worth having; nothing else has any value.

AMBROSE BIERCE

A Cynic Looks at Life


BACKBITE, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

AMBROSE BIERCE

The Devil's Dictionary