American author (1842-1914)
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
WITCH, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Respirator, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary