American author (1842-1914)
The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
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"Epigrams of a Cynic"
PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Imagination, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"
AMBROSE BIERCE
Couplet
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Industrial Discontent", The Shadow on the Dial and Other Essays
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Respirator, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary