American author (1842-1914)
DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
The sky is a concave mirror in which Man sees his own distorted image and seeks to propitiate it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Imagination, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"
AMBROSE BIERCE
Couplet
Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
It is God's own crystal truth that in dealing with women unfortunate enough to be compelled to earn their own living and fortunate enough to have wrested from Fate an opportunity to do so, men of business and affairs treat them with about the same delicate consideration that they show to dogs and horses of the inferior breeds.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
Realism, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Industrial Discontent", The Shadow on the Dial and Other Essays
Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary