American author (1842-1914)
BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave and blind as a stone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
When the young die and the old live, nature's machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
BACKBITE, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
For study of the good and the bad in woman two women are a needless expense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"